Home Invasion: A Not-So-Welcome Surprise Party
In the time it takes to microwave your popcorn, approximately 27 homes in the U.S. will have had an unexpected and highly unwelcome guest. No, not your in-laws, but something potentially more distressing: a home invader.
Let's face it, the only stranger we want barging into our homes is the pizza delivery guy, and even then, only when invited.
What Even is a Home Invasion?
Imagine someone deciding your home is their personal shopping mall. It's like having an uninvited house guest who takes the ‘help yourself’ policy too seriously. A home invasion happens when someone forcibly enters your castle, not just to admire your décor but possibly with more sinister motives.
While the law might not call it "home invasion" in so many words, it's the un-fun activities they're planning on doing once inside that gets them the handcuff bracelet.
Home Invasion Fun (Not Fun) Facts
30% of invaders bring their own ‘accessories’ (read: weapons). It's not the kind of party favor we appreciate.
Surprise! 12% actually planned their visit in advance. The rest just thought your house looked inviting at the spur of the moment.
Chances are, you've seen this person before. Yep, about two-thirds of these party crashers aren’t strangers.
The whole ordeal is quicker than an episode of "Friends." But definitely less entertaining.
These social calls mostly happen when the sun is up, between 10 AM and 3 PM. Apparently, home invaders are not night owls.
The invaders are often locals. So much for neighborly love.
RSVP "No" to Home Invaders
The Fortress Makeover
Security System: The electronic equivalent of a medieval moat. Cameras and alarms are to invaders what garlic is to vampires.
Doors and Windows: The Armor
Locks and Bars: Fortify these bad boys. Your door should be more Gandalf ("You shall not pass!") and less polite doorman.
The Furry Alarm System
Dogs: A bark is worth a thousand words, especially if it says, “Pick another house, buddy.”
Signs and Warnings
"Beware" Signs: Even if you don’t have a dog, a sign can make them think twice. A little bluffing goes a long way.
Light It Up
Outdoor Lighting: Nothing says “You’re on camera” like a well-lit yard.
Daily Doses of Deterrence
Neighborhood Watch: It’s like having nosy neighbors, but on your side.
Keep it Trim: Overgrown bushes are great for hide and seek, but let’s not play that with invaders.
No Spare Keys: That fake rock isn’t fooling anyone, especially not seasoned party crashers.
When the Party Crasher Shows Up
Assess: Listen. How many are they? Where are they? Is that their choice of break-in music?
Alert: Use your family's secret code word, something like “Pineapple!” because nothing says “intruder alert” like tropical fruit.
Avoid: If you can get out, do. If not, have a safe room that says “VIPs only.”
Call for Backup: Dial 911. If you can’t speak, text. If you can’t text, smoke signals are not recommended but get creative.
Don’t Be a Hero: Unless you're a ninja. Then, be a ninja.
After the Unwanted Party
It’s over. You survived. Now breathe, and let's turn your home into Fort Knox. The goal? To make sure if someone even thinks about invading your home, they'll decide it's easier to just buy their own stuff.
Remember, the best way to win this game is not to play. Secure your home, educate your family, and keep your popcorn time interruption-free.
